Tuesday 27 March 2012

Can I Get a Leash For My Bird?

I have been a "gym girl" all of my adult life. I have spent countless hours lifting weights and travelling nowhere on one torturous piece of cardio equipment after another. When I moved to Singapore, I decided to forego the gym and let nature take its course. We live two km to the beach so what better way to fight off the Ice Kacang bulge than power walking and cycling along the surf in East Coast Park.

You can't fool me by changing colours
The views I encounter along the way are so foreign and awe inspiring to me that I often forget I am working out. It isn't often in Regina, Saskatchewan you see snails the size of a Toonie oozing along the pickets or multi-coloured birds serenading you as you zip past. Often I will see roaches, which I don't want to talk about, and on occasion, rats, which I really don't want to talk about. I have seen kaleidoscopic lizards that try to fool me by hiding in the Ixora bushes lining the bike paths. I have laid rubber trying to stop when I spot these minute creatures and watch their metamorphosis from an orange hue to brown, trying to trick me. To see a two-toned lizard thinking he is pulling the wool over my eyes is something I wish I could capture and share. I often feel I have interrupted a National Georgraphic episode.

I try to ride at least 25 km on my bike at the crack of dawn.  It is an early start and even still, I return so drenched from the humidity, that I barely manage to peel off my clothes and pitch them in the laundry.  My neighbour's maid has seen more than her share of my "Moon Over Miami" streaking across the kitchen tiles. Each day is an adventure and I always encounter something unusual that intrigues me.

Today was no exception. Some days I ride at breakneck speed; and then I am passed by a 75 year old man on a roller skates. Other days are leisurely photo op days. Today was the latter and I was well rewarded for dilly dallying.

On the shaded bike path I encountered some captivating views. While many of the sites were fascinating, this one had me shaking my head. I often see the Help walking Golden Retrievers with jackets and red booties. They must be protecting their paws from the ice and snow that will freeze their pads in Singapore. I would love to see the maids (because it is always the maids that walk the dogs) wrestling the booties on in the early morning light. Yesteday I saw a man skateboarding, carrying his Schnauzer. I am sorry, I thought a dog was supposed to walk, on a walk. That is why it is called a WALK.  But today was the strangest "stroller" I have run across on my cycling trips.  I saw an expat walking his green Eclectus parrot. Yes, I said a parrot. How he got a leash to fit over its beak, I will never know.
Locals fishing on the jetty

I took a right turn and rode down the Bedok jetty to watch the fishermen casting off from the pier. One Uncle with a flannel hat and no teeth must have been amused by my wonderment because he wanted to show me his catch of the day. He had about 50 piddling fish that he called King Fish.  He said they made good sardines and rewarded me with a toothless grin.
Dammit, I am not a coconut

I continued on where I found a tremendous treat.  There is a fascinating tree in Singapore called the Cannon Ball Tree.  Many people ignore this tree, thinking the fruits are coconuts, therefore missing an amazing site.  The fruits are huge, perfect spheres, resembling, of course, Cannon Balls. Today I was presented the opportunity to see these majestic trees in full bloom. The flowers are larger than a man's fist and breathtaking when you see this ancient tree covered in orange, scarlet and pink blossoms. Imagine riding, if you will, and seeing mango, guava, banana and coconut trees.  No need to have the Blue Plate Special with those fresh fruits ripe for the picking.

A little further down the path, where the foot traffic thinned, I had a chuckle over an Auntie that undoubtedly had the Groupon Special. Her freshly permed hair resembled marmalade cotton candy,  dyed perfectly to match Ronald McDonald's coiffure.  Her husband walked several meters ahead of her, not because of an Asian cultural thing, I imagine he was mortified to be seen with her. Oh to be a fly on the wall when her children saw this frizzy do.

"You tell her. She likes you best."

"No, you tell her. I am not telling her she looks like Ronald McDonald after he received a swirly in McHappyland's loo."

While I do take great pleasures in my rides, there are also things that drive me to drink. I am sure all bike riders want to pulverize the "Biking Texters."  Nothing says "idiot" as much as someone riding straight for you as they text, blather on the phone and ride with no hands. There is a reason cell phones are banned in cars; doubly dangerous on a bicyle.  And of course, we have the family bikes that swerve all over the paths with as many people as they can cram into a four seater bike.  "We must get our money's worth so let's invite the neighbourhood to jump on for a ride."

There are also the snazzy, spandex, uber-hip racers that dart down the bike path like they just took a coffee break from the Tour de France.  These racers make riding look so effortless as they glide past you in their matching lycra, sleek helmets, mirrored sunglasses and bikes that cost more than my car in Canada. Now my bike is no slouch; everything costs a fortune in Singapore, but my mere $1,500  for a ultra-light hybrid pales in comparison to the $15,000 these Lance Armstrong wannabes pay for the privilege to kick my ass on the path.

Join two and sell as dress on Orchard Road
When these masses blow by me, they probably laugh at the lady pedalling like her butt is on fire. They have barely broken a sweat in their skin tight gear. I look like a Salvation Army reject with my ratty shorts that saw the light of day when the Village People were sashaying to the YMCA, and a t-shirt that says, "I Love My Mom," made grudingly by my 17-year old son for Mothers' Day. He was instructed to make this shirt when he was slinging hash in a buffet joint.  Once the occasion was over, I laundered the pork fat and bacon grease only to be told it was either me or the homeless wearing that shirt because for him, once was enough.

If you find my decaying, rigid body flattened by a lorry because for the umpteenth time I forgot "traffic on the left," just pry off my happening Maui Jim sunglasses and my rocks from R2 to pay for the kids' college. Don't worry about the bike, it will be long gone. I have been told these hybrid bikes are the hottest ticket thefts in Singy. You can identify my bike by the matching pink horn and water bottle holder, and a guy that is too short, struggling to ride off into the sunset.

With all this sight seeing, you wouldn't think I would have time to reflect on how fortunate I am to be living on the Tiny Red Dot.  Yes, it is hot and the bugs are creepy but the early mornings and the evenings are beyond description.  The scenery is breathtaking; more than I could imagine or ever hope to see, after living on a bald, prairie province my entire life.

I am near dead by the end of my ride so I slow down and weave in and out of the foreign workers brought here to reshape the ever changing landscape of Singapore. These men literally pull up the sidewalk, take off their Personal Protective Equipment, cover their faces and sleep in the mid-day sun until they go back to their back-breaking manual labour. I try to avoid running over the tailless cats and breathe a sigh of relief when I see my Penthouse in the distance. I never know what tomorrow will bring in Singapore, but for now, I think I will go have a tall glass of Teh Tarik and plan my monkey hunt through the rain forest.

On the beach, you can live in bliss."

Dennis Wilson -  Beach Boys


Beautiful fragrant blossoms in bloom

Fisherman working hard on the jetty
(Follow Layna in Asia on Mexico on My Mind site for her perspective of travels in Mexico)

25 comments:

  1. Love reading your posts. There's always a laugh and a lot of info. Feel like I've been going around Singapore with blinkers on. How do you see all these things?
    C.

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    1. Thank you for loving my posts. I believe if I am in this country, I am in with both feet so I look for things very foreign to me. Way more than Orchard and eating (but I like that too, ha ha).

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  2. Another fantastic read Layna. Thanks for sharing your wonderment! During my bike rides on the pacific coast trail here in LA I often have to dodge homeless people sleeping in the sand. So sad. Also lots of people walk tiny dogs on leashes and don't pull Fido in to heel when I pass. Like it is my responsibility to ensure Fido doesn't become part of my spokes. But I have seen dolphins and whales, many surfers and some great beach volleyball players on my ride. Not to mention hundreds of beautiful people young and old, here in California. Hugs to you Layna! Keep it up. Jacquie

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    1. Hi Jacquie: You need an air horn to blast when you are riding by so they reign in their pet rats! The dolphins and whales - I only see them on the beach after too many noodles. Thanks for reading, gorgeous Lady!

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  3. Good job Layna! I don't read often (anything unless I have to) but I do enjoy reading your blogs. I guess because I love to travel and see different things. Don't hate on me for living vicaiously through you LOL

    Take care and watch out for spyder monkeys! Allan

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    1. That is a huge compliment Allan. I live vicariously through you because you can buy good tequila....not readily available here, by any means, unless you are a multi millionaire.

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  4. Don't get too sweaty in the mom shirt, the paint will run!
    Luc!

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    1. Too late - it now says, "I Love my OM." You will have to take up another kindergarten project to regift to me.

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  5. Think you can't own chickens in the city? Think again!

    Mr. Huntington and Ingrid Dimock from 'City Chicks' are already raising them in Sydney. They run a business that promotes urban chickens and assists those who would like to get started in urban chicken keeping.

    You can learn how to raise chickens in an urban environment, complete with walking leashes, harnesses and diapers. They will be showcased at Sydney's ABC Gardening Australia Expo. Read more about this chicken craze.


    http://animaltracks.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/15/7377348-city-chicken-takes-a-walk-on-a-leash

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    1. I think I will pass. Have you smelled chickens? The stench of them is beyond Durian even. I used to live near a chicken hatchery when I was a kid (Hick Town Girl). We would peddle like mad to get past the location. The summertime was the worst. Imagine that smell in Singy?

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  6. I think I'd better start training for the mini riding marathons you are enjoying before I come visit. This chick hasn't been on a bike that goes some where out of a gym except for those that have a motor and make a lot of noise! Your out of biking shape, sista!

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    1. Well, we can rent you a motorized one. Pedal and electrical. I am almost run over by the Uncles and their fishing rods every morning as they hurry to the beach for the best sardines!

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    2. Motorized - I might be able to keep up - biker chick coming thru!

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  7. um.... dont be expecting to see me biking and sweating that much!!



    sam

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    1. Well, not sure about the biking part, but you will be sweating that much just stepping outta the shower kiddo! And when we visit this park above....

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  8. Hey Layna, I hope we never have to identify you by your shirt or ratty YMCA era shorts! Be careful out there! I had a similar awe inspiring moment while in Hawaii. The plants that might grow in our homes with an intense amount of TLC would grow leaves the size of a toddlers hand but in Hawaii the same plant's growing wildly n nature would have leaves the size of my torso, and we know that isn't small!!

    Now living in Cranbrook and away from the prairie the air it is still dry, much drier than southern Ontario and it cracks me up when people here complain of the humidity in a semi-arid climate. But from the sounds of it the humidity in Singy is even worse than southern Ontario. Me and humidity don't do well together!

    I am enjoying your blogs and am jealous of the exciting life you are getting to live, particularly the penthouse part and the rocks from R2. Kidding, the opportunity for us small town Moose Jaw girls seeing the world is so eye opening and makes the struggles of living in The Jaw seem so trivial and small minded.

    How long is this adventure?
    Lori Montcalm

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    1. Thank you for reading and enjoying Lori. I love your comment about Hawaii. it is hard to imagine such amazing things in nature when you come from small town Saskatchewan. All we see there are Sparrows,and Evergreens. We get excited when we see a Robin in the spring (although I haven't seen a Robin here).

      I have been here about 3 months now, and we are here for two years in total - but always a chance to renew or go elsewhere. We are thinking of taking a year off after this "travel" and hitting a few places that we have researched for retirement. We want to live there and act as a local to make sure before we invest.

      Not sure I will ever be back in Canada - just closer so I can see my friends and family.

      My son lives in Kelowna - going to school at UBC0 taking Engineering. I LOVE BC and that part of the world. I wanted him to travel and move from Regina to experience something else in life. Both of my kids are coming to visit soon, and my sis as well. One of Larry's girls is hoping to come soon too. I will be flooded with company - but that will just give me more blogging material!

      Who knew the little kid that used to follow you to high school would end up so far away! Take care.

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  9. Love this blog. Son hilarious and talented. Keepnthem coming.

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    1. Thanks JP - I do intend to keep them coming as long as you promise to keep reading!

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  10. When is the book coming out. Funniest stuff ever

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    1. All I need is a publisher and I will start to write....

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  11. hilarious mama. marley

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    1. Well, I believe I have heard everything....a cat writing to me. How does she type in her password? With her whiskers?

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  12. Your newest Singy Friend3 April 2012 at 08:15

    I have enjoyed this post immensely and that it had me cackling with glee.

    how much I admire and enjoy your inimitable wry and wicked sense of humour. I'm a tad envy of your delightful/sharp power of observation and a wee jealous of your gift for a fresh turn of phrases. This post is highly entertaining because it is punctuated with loads of pithy and amusing observations. It never occurred to me that middle aged aunties with badly permed hair = groupon deal gone wrong. Now I know. Wink! Wink! I am beginning to associate you with clever bon mots too. Trust you to drop a bon mot here and a bon mot there with perfect aplomb.

    I know the expat with the bird. We often meet him and his bird on our walks at the beach on Sundays. The bird is docile for the most part but we have seen it flapped its wings on occasion.

    Aside from that, I also wanted to tell you how much I love your leaf dress which I think may just fly off the shelves at top end designer shops in Orchard Road with the help of some clever marketing.

    Your posts are a must reads for those of us mere mortals living ho hum lives who want a little excitement/wonderment. Reading your post enables us to live our lives vicariously through you. I'm hardly surprised when you told me that your readership is on the rise. Why wouldn't it? I would heartily recommend it to anyone who is down in the dumps and in serious need of a pick me up.

    Our friendship is still in its infancy but you strike me as a forthright person. I like your candour. You also strike me as someone who is passionate about life. I hope you will never lose this ardour for life in the land of endless summer you temporarily call home because I know of an expat who does not enjoy life here at all and cannot wait to hightail back to her country of origin.

    Last but not least, you must show the world's most unadorned woman i.e. mois all the bling R2 has given you, one fine day.

    Good job Layna.

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    1. You Miss MayBerry are one of a kind. I am fortunate to have found a friend like you in Singy, or anywhere for that matter!

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